They say that we react to people and situations in one of two ways: Love or Fear. I can’t remember where I read this or who actually said it but it stayed with me. 

I have questioned the validity of this assertion though. Surely, we are much more complex than just love and fear. It seems too binary, too simple. With the host of emotions that we can feel, there must be a myriad of possible reactions that we can have. But, what if it’s exactly that simple and our (or my) definition is what confuses things? 

Here’s an idea: 

-Love is an experience of benevolence. I feel safe. Thus, I lower my guard and open to possibility.

-Fear is a perception of malevolence (real or imagined). I’m scared. I have to protect myself. So, I raise my guard and close myself off to people and/or opportunities. 

If this is true, how might Love and Fear show up?
Love (some ideas)

-relaxed body language 

-eye contact

 -a smile

-active listening 

-gentle inquiry 

-reverence for others 

-a kind word 

-a sensitive gesture 

-gratitude 

-an “open” perspective  

Fear (fight flight freeze)

-visceral reactions 

-assertive/aggressive words or silence

-preparation for negative consequences 

-a “closed off” perspective 

So, Love is not restricted to familial or romantic love. It’s a posture relative to the world, at large, and a healthy reaction to situations that are congruent with a loving reaction.

Conversely, Fear is an experience of needing to self-protect and not just from potential physical danger. Danger comes in all shapes and sizes (ex emotional, financial, professional, academic etc). Clearly, this is appropriate in very specific situations. We are wired for survival so it’s very important to know when we are safe and when we aren’t. Sometimes, it can be hard to distinguish between the two, so please know that this takes work.

Can you think of a situation where your instinct to self-protect was out of sync with the actual situation? Have you ever tried to respond in a loving way even though you were upset?———————————————————————-
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