The oft-used cliche “life is short” has never been more true. As I get older, that has stopped being a cliche and more of a sometimes scary reality. To be blunt, there is likely less time ahead of me than behind me. My biggest fear is running out of time…time to offer and experience all that I am meant to offer and experience…whatever that may be. That’s why this unexpected midlife transition was so jarring for me.

Previously, I mentioned my empty nest experience and the departure from my long term career. Both entailed a deep loss of identity and routine. As we know, human beings need routine. It creates a framework within which we feel safe and secure. So, you can imagine the level of angst that I felt, as a proverbial fish out of the waters in which I had swum for more than 20 years.

A recently retired friend echoed a similar sentiment about identity and purpose, when she said “What will happen to me now? Who will I be now that my days are no longer focused in the same way? How do I make my days fulfilling, instead of just full/busy?” 
If this midlife transition is one of grief, loss and self reflection, as many women describe it, COVID has added another layer to these experiences. The bulk of my midlife journey was well underway before COVID and the pandemic lockdown occurred. Essentially, the questioning about purpose, direction, meaning and self worth were already under my microscope. 

However, the last two years have sharpened my need to be intentional about the quality of my life. Actually, COVID has made these sentiments more acute for people, in general, regardless of phase of life. Most everyone has experienced some disruption to life as they had known it. When will life get back to normal? When will we feel normal again? No one really knows.

Personally, I had to decide how to dig myself out of this collective grief and find some meaning and purpose. I had to channel my thoughts and feelings in a healthy way and prevent myself from sinking into despair. 

As dark as some moments have been, there have been periods of tremendous light that have shone through, due in large part to my creative process. Colors, patterns and designs have emerged on the pages of my journal and sparked new life within me. Despite the shedding of identities, I have created new layers. 

And my friends…that’s the hopeful part of all of our stories. We can shed identities and create new ones. I invite you on this journey with me so you, too, can create anew:

http://dianemouradian.com/upcoming-workshops/

(photo credit: freepik)