We have all had adverse experiences. Oftentimes, we have had many and of a varied nature. Whether or not it is evident to the outside world, we have all had time in the ring with suffering. When I say we I mean you AND me.

I, vividly, remember asking myself “what am I meant to learn from this?” throughout a particularly rough period in my life. I asked myself the same question repeatedly, as a way to avoid slipping into depression and, in my opinion, feeling like a victim. That question became an anchor of sorts. I didn’t want to be a victim. I wanted to be a survivor and then a thriver (not sure if that’s even a word). Intuitively, I knew that if I could process the pain AND glean the lessons, I could empower vs disempower myself. It was a means of reaching toward something vs staying stuck in something.

Beyond that, I later came to realize how powerful that suffering could be, in terms of 

1. heightened compassion for others and 
2. the belief that others who were suffering could also find their way towards meaning making and a sense of empowerment 

None of what is shared above is meant to circumvent the grief associated with processing and healing from painful experiences. What it is meant to do, though, is open up the path beyond that process – the meaning-making phase of healing. Evolution is an iterative process thankfully.

In his Stanford Commencement address Steve Jobs so eloquently said: “We can’t connect the dots looking forward. We can only connect them looking backwards.” I watch this video often, as it reminds me that there is a beautiful way that things will come together even when I can’t yet see it. Personally, I have held onto that hope many times.

My 50’s were spent developing a new career in the field of mental health, particularly focused on childhood trauma. Sometimes, I still ask myself “how did I end up here?” Child Welfare was never on my radar. Then, I look back at the different building blocks of personal and professional experiences, as well as fortuitous events not of my doing, that opened that path for me. As I approach my 60th birthday, I can see the beautiful tapestry in the rearview mirror.

I encourage you, too, to look at your own history to see how you’ve built your path on a combination of favorable and adverse  experiences. We have much to offer when we can see that none of what we have experienced is in vain.