This week, I wanted to collage. Every day, I added something new to my canvas, an image, random shapes, different colors of paint. A disparate array…Thoughts and reflections started to form alongside the emerging collage, culled from conversations, articles and videos.

And then, the most recent issue of Psychology Today arrived and, somehow, brought it all together. Inside, there was a lengthy article about the transformative power of discomfort. It caught my attention because, undoubtedly, I have a love-hate relationship with discomfort.

Aversion to discomfort is instinctual. It’s a survival strategy…something we’re wired for in life. At some point, and in different ways, life is hard for all of us. As individuals and as part of the collective, from things that challenge us to things that rock us to our core…Discomfort is an equalizer, of sorts. We all experience it.

Curiously, I’ve heard people say (myself included) that, even though they’re going through a hard time, they know that others have it worse. I always wonder why we feel compelled to make this disclaimer? Is it an attempt to minimize the severity of the discomfort? Maybe. Not to sound like we’re complaining? That too. Or, is it an attempt to make the discomfort feel more manageable? Possibly. Whatever the reason, it’s not a competition. We’re allowed to feel discomfort fully, without qualifying it as big or small or more or less than others. And, possibly, if we allow ourselves to feel it fully, we gain the wisdom that we can survive and go on to thrive.

Admittedly, my mind always goes beyond the discomfort to how we respond to it, ie our level of resilience. It’s my future-looking orientation. My what-can-we-do-with-it perspective. Invariably, I ask myself: What existing skills can I draw on to cope? What new skills can I develop to help myself further and  Who can I turn to for healthy support?

For sure, it’s neither a quick nor easy process and it’s, often, an arduous one.

So, how does resilience develop (fully, partially or minimally)? I don’t know for sure. I imagine it’s due to a variety of factors – an amalgam of genetics, lived experiences,  modeling and resources. What I do know, though, is that resilience is the motor that carries us forward. I see it in my clients, I see it all around me and I see it in myself. We are resilient, to varying degrees, at different times, and impacted/influenced by what and who surrounds us. 

Resilience shows us that we are, indeed, capable of handling tough things yet, many times, we don’t realize it or maybe don’t believe it. Sometimes, discomfort can create a temporary emotional paralysis and we lose sight of our strengths. Our empowerment…

I remind myself that while I am uncomfortable with my discomfort, I am capable of figuring things out. If you knew you could deal with life’s challenges and emerge successfully how would that impact your outlook on life and your belief in yourself?